[0:01] Do Something Different, a leadership podcast.

[0:06] Most people confuse confidence with competence. What that means is that when you show up with more confidence, people think you're smarter and more capable. Join me today for a challenge to boost your confidence. In the way you communicate, I'm going to give you 10 practical tools to help you communicate with more confidence and show up as a leader. My name is Rusty Gaillard, and this is Do Something Different, a leadership podcast. We're talking about confidence because every time I speak to leaders, whether that's in a public speaking environment, whether I'm delivering a class or working one-on-one, I ask, what are the attributes of leadership? And inevitably, one of the ones that rises to the top is confidence. Why? Because it enables you to deliver on your goals. For my clients, we work on clarity and confidence because when you're clear on what success looks like and you have the confidence to go out and do it, you achieve it. I see this in the results my clients achieve, whether that's getting new jobs, getting promotions, getting new high visibility opportunities at work. My clients achieve all of those things because they have clarity and they have confidence.

[1:18] The problem with confidence is that most people misunderstand what confidence is about. When I ask where does confidence come from, they say it comes from past experience. But if you're doing something you've never done before, your past experience isn't going to serve you. This is where confidence can be a blend of mindset and skill set.

[1:42] We're not going to talk about the mindset piece today. We're going to talk specifically about the skill set piece that can boost your confidence. And it's in the way you speak. How you speak, how you communicate your ideas, how you interact with other people absolutely matters. One of the ways we describe that is your executive presence, or some might say your personal brand. And it's a combination of your mindset and your behaviors. It covers both things. And I've explained this in prior videos when I talk about the Bayer model, your beliefs, your emotions, your actions, and your results. I have a client whose name is Susan, and we're just going to call her Susan for this conversation, who was doing an executive review. And Susan was worried. She was stressed. She was uncomfortable about the review. That her belief was that it was going to be a hard review. It was going to be difficult. And there were reasons for that. But because she had that belief that it was going to be difficult. It impacted her emotions. She felt anxious and uncertain about it. And that impacts the way she shows up. It impacts her actions, how she speaks about it, her body language, all of that gets impacted. And of course that translates into your results.

[2:54] So one of the ways that you can show up with more confidence is to tackle the belief. We're not going to cover that in today's podcast, but we are going to talk about the actions that you can take to show up with more confidence. Because when you take actions that a confident person would take, it reinforces your belief about who you are and what you're capable of.

[3:17] Now, there's some challenges about this when specifically when you're talking about the way you communicate. So what are some of the challenges that people face in communicating like a leader, in speaking like a leader? Number one is one of the biggest fears people have in the corporate work environment is making a mistake, looking foolish, being wrong. It is consistently ranks at the top of the list of fears for corporate employees. And that is exacerbated when there is pressure or perceived pressure. And a lot of that comes from an authority figure in the room. So if you are afraid of getting something wrong and there's an authority figure, which makes it even worse, that is going to undermine your performance and it stands in your way of speaking like a leader.

[4:05] Go back and listen to the recording, which is being more strategic in three steps. That's one of my podcasts from a couple months ago. And I give you in that podcast, not only three steps to be more, to make more strategic decisions. But I also give you the seven factors that make you stupid. And that's kind of tongue in cheek on that. But it's true. There are seven factors that change the way you perceive a situation that makes it makes you see it more as a threat. And when you see it more as a threat, it elevates that fear of making a mistake. And therefore, it makes you more less effective. In other words, stupid. Go back and listen to that video because we can you can get into depth on those. One of the other challenges getting back to the challenges, one of the other ones that people face is not speaking up. And there's a video that I recorded on that. It was in December of last year, the fear of speaking up and how to overcome it. Go back and listen to that video because when you don't speak up, you are undermining your presence, you're undermining your voice, and you're taking away from your visibility. And by the way, it undermines your confidence too because the actions you take reinforce your beliefs. When you are worried about saying something because you're uncertain and then you don't say anything, it reinforces your belief. See, oh man, it's a good thing I didn't say anything because I didn't know what I was going to say. Don't fall into that loop.

[5:22] The last challenge I want to talk about, the fourth one here, is hedging. Because way too many people hedge their opinion about things. And we're going to talk about that specifically when I give you these 10 practical

[5:34] tools to help you speak like a leader. So let's get into it. We're going to talk about 10 things you can do. And these are language tools that I want you to change the language you're using. And it's a very tactical thing. I get that. But the language you use conveys an underlying belief. And when you use more powerful language, more assertive language, when you speak like a leader, you're going to start to feel more like a leader and it's going to change the way you show up. It's going to change the way other people perceive you. I'm giving you 10 specific language changes you can make in this video. And if you want to download them, click the link. I'm going to make it very easy for you to download these, the before and after for all of them. So you can walk away with a worksheet. So click the link below to just download these and you can take it with you. But don't try to use all 10 of them. If you try to use all 10 of them, you can't keep 10 things in your brain at the same time. None of us can. Pick one or maybe two and work on those. And then once you make progress on those, if there's other things you want to do, go tackle those.

[6:37] All right, here we go. Number one, get rid of the word I think. I think is a way of hedging your opinion about something. I think this is what we should do. I think the right next step is X. Instead of saying that, use something that's more assertive. Say, I recommend. It's a relatively straightforward thing to do. Just change I think to I recommend. And you can see there's a little bit more assertiveness in that. It's something more like a leader would say.

[7:05] Second one I'm going to give you is apologizing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was late on that. I'm sorry I missed the meeting. I'm sorry I wasn't able to get you that document on time. Change your phrasing about that. And when you change your phrasing about that, it's going to change your mindset about it. Instead of saying I'm sorry, just say thank you for understanding. Thanks for your understanding that this other higher priority thing bumped this response down the list. Thank you for your understanding. I had a back-to-back day yesterday and I wasn't able to get to this. I'm going to get it first thing in the morning. However you change your language, you can phrase it many different ways, but go out of the mode of apologizing and move into thanking them for being understanding the situation you're in. Just a side note, in your personal life, you don't need to do this. It's completely appropriate to apologize to your loved ones, to your family, to the people who are close to you for things where you may have made a mistake. I'm talking specifically about the business environment on this one. Next one, banish this from your list. Yoda was 100% right. Don't say you're trying to do something. Say, I'm working on it. I'm doing it. I'm practicing it. Whatever language you want to put around it, just strip I'm trying because trying already carries with it this presumption of failure. Take that out because you don't want to assume any failure in your statement. Don't say I'm trying to do something and say I'm working on it. I'm improving it. I'm practicing it. I'm doing it. Use more powerful language.

[8:32] Does that make sense? That, once again, has a little bit of a kind of uncertainty feel to it. Don't ask if it makes sense. Instead, ask if the other person has any questions. Asking does it make any sense assumes that perhaps you didn't explain it well enough. That's not the vibe you want to go for here. That's not the message you want to communicate. Ask if they have questions, if they're still tracking with you.

[8:57] Next one. This is a common one when people face a challenge and there's two back to back here. The first one is it's hard. This is a tough situation. Wow, I really am struggling with this. It's a hard assignment. Instead of saying something is hard because it's very hard, you don't know what to do with something that's hard. There's no action you can take. Get clear on what this specific challenge is and talk about what that is. So far, the challenge is X. So far the challenge is I have not had enough time to think about this so far the challenge is I've not been able to find a solution that meets all of the different requirements, Get specific about what the challenge is so that it's something that can be addressed and other people can support you. The next one that's just totally correlated is I'm stressed. And any of my clients will tell you, I always ask them when they say I'm stressed, I say, well, what does that mean? What are you stressed about? Oftentimes what that comes down to is this fear of failure or this fear of getting, this fear of being wrong. In other words, a pressure to be right. I'm feeling a lot of pressure to be right. It may not just be that. It may be time pressure. It may be other things. But again, be specific about what it is that is causing you stress so that it becomes actionable and something you can do with it. Leaders don't talk about in these vague terms and say, I'm stressed. Leaders are action oriented. And so when you describe something as hard or stressed, don't settle for that. Get clear about what the cause is so it becomes action oriented.

[10:23] Here's another one that reveals a victim mindset. Well, I have to get this project done. I have I have to take this call. I have to take this meeting. I've got to finish this report by the end of the day. Anytime you're saying one of those things, you are putting that deliverable, that project in a position that is more powerful than you. And that is undermining your authority. It's undermining your confidence. And it's undermining your impact as a leader. Take ownership for the things that you're doing. Say, this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm going to do. This is the choice that I'm making. I'm prioritizing this. own it take ownership of the decisions you're making that's what a leader does next one when you're somebody thanks you for something don't respond no worries that's a very kind of easy going like almost like a beach vibe kind of response just be a little bit you know notch more serious and say i'm happy to help which also is reinforcing the fact that you're a helpful person and you're a team player.

[11:24] Oftentimes we find ourselves in the situation where we have to check up on a request that we made to someone else this i wanted to check on we often come with an apologetic kind of nature like oh i'm just checking to see if this was done if you got the message you don't have to apologize for checking on something that is an expectation that they are delivering to you ask them for an update can you give me an update on that what's the status of this use more direct language where you're asking specifically for what it is that you want, rather than having a pseudo-apology for your request. Number 10, which is the last one here, is my opinion is. And I just want to challenge you, rather than even saying the words my opinion or even my recommendation, which was my number one that I put on there, when I said I think, I changed that to I recommend. You could even strip away I recommend or my opinion and just say the thing itself. Because when you're speaking, it's assumed that you're speaking your opinion or your recommendation. So just say it. Rather than said, I think we should do ABC or my opinion is we should do ABC. Just say, given all the information at hand, the best next step is ABC. You can find ways to articulate something without hedging it, without putting a qualifier on it that says it's about your opinion or this is what you think. Own your decision.

[12:47] Now, take a look at this list. Pick one or two things off of this list that speak to you and change your language. I acknowledge that these are subtle things, but all of these have an element in here, which is diminishing your power. It's diminishing your influence and your impact and therefore diminishing your confidence. Don't do that. Don't undermine yourself. Use more powerful, use more assertive language.

[13:19] Let's go back to the example I was giving you about Susan. Susan was presenting to a skip level boss who's an executive at the company doing an executive update on a project that was off track. The last interaction that Susan had with this person didn't go well. And so Susan was anticipating criticizing, criticism, plus this skip level person that Susan's reporting to or giving the update to has a reputation of being tough. So you've got a tough audience. The last interaction didn't go well. Your project's off track. You're going in to give an update. Of course, Susan was nervous. She was not feeling confident. So how did we address that? We certainly took some of the mindset issues, but we dug into the language as she was practicing her presentation. Where does some of these language elements come in and how can she change the language to be more assertive, more powerful, more confident?

[14:16] Take one or two of the items that you saw on this list. Go download the list if you want it. Click the link below in the description to get the download. Take one or two, put it into practice. Use it. And then comment on this video. If you're listening on audio, you can send a text. If you're listening on video, put a comment because I love the fact that you're here all the way through the end. I respond to the comments. One of my listeners just last week posed a question, two weeks ago, posed a question and I answered it in this last week's video. Put a question in there about what are your leadership challenges? I would love to answer it. Subscribe, check out my other videos and most importantly, do something different. Thanks for listening to Do Something Different. Make sure to subscribe, like, comment and share with your friends. You can also find us on your favorite podcast platform. If you want additional content beyond what's on the podcast, make sure to follow me on LinkedIn.