[0:08] Hey, it's Rusty Gaillard here, and we are live for Do Something Different, a leadership podcast. This podcast is for smart, high achiever, ambitious people. You know, the kind of people who are hardworking and have achieved a lot, but may have some high performance habits that are actually getting in their way of the next level of success. So this podcast is about shifting your perspective, taking a different mindset, and bringing you also a different skill set so that you can get to a next level of growth and success. Today, we are talking about three easy habits that you can form to command more respect at work. Now, pretty much everybody wants that. And it can be a challenge for a lot of people, because when you're in the kind of environment where you feel like you're not getting respect.

[0:56] It's hard to know what it is that you can do differently to change that it's very easy to point at the environment at the people around us at the culture of the organization we are when there's a problem we point externally when there's a problem rather than looking internally to see what can we do differently one of the principles i like from this book the 15 Commitments of Conscious People, is this idea of being 100% responsible for the outcome and for your experience of work, which means when you don't point externally when there's a problem, it is so tempting to say, it's my boss, it's the culture, it's the work environment, it's the expectations, the marketplace, whatever it is. It's so tempting to point externally, but is much more powerful and empowering when you can look internally and say, what can I do differently in this situation in order to make a difference? Now, that can be challenging. I fully acknowledge that. I mean, I have a client who was time and time again frustrated by an interaction he was having with one of his business partners. Over and over again, he would have the same pattern of interaction. And it was, frankly, the business partner that he was dealing with was very difficult.

[2:14] But at some point, he had to take responsibility. My client had to step up and say, okay, I keep doing the same thing over and over again, and I'm not getting a different result. At some point, he has to look internally and say, what can I do differently about this situation?

[2:29] That's the same concept that we're talking about here. Because if you just keep waiting for the environment to change, or you keep trying to change your environment, but you keep finding the same pattern, for example, a lack of respect, you have to turn internally and say, what can I do differently? Now, there's a couple of things that get in the way of this. Number one, which is always the biggest one, which is your habit. It's your habit of how you approach your work, how you approach relationships, how you think about how you need to show up in the professional environment. There are so many people that are these high achievers whose mindset about showing up at work is about being right and not making mistakes and performing exceptionally well. Now, that's great. But if you want to learn something new, in order to learn something new, you've got to do something different. In order to do something different, there's a risk of failure, because you've never done it that way before. It doesn't always happen perfectly the first time. But when there's a risk of failure, so many high achievers shy away from that. They say, well, I'm not going to take that path because it's risky. And this path over here, it's well known, it's well understood, and it has worked very well for me for many, many years. And that's completely true. I acknowledge that. But it's also the path that is now standing in your way.

[3:49] I talk about this simple concept with my clients, which is most of my clients have the tendency to put their foot harder on the gas. When they want to get something done, they want to push harder. They want to work harder. They say, I'm going to go after that thing and get it. But they don't realize that while they're pushing on the gas, they also have their foot on the brake. And it's just as impactful, if not more impactful, to take your foot off the brake than it is to push harder on the gas. It's this very simple concept of I'm going to do more rather than I'm going to stop doing the things that are getting in my way. And when you stop doing those things that are getting in your way, you can be much more effective without having to push harder and harder and harder on the gas. This is, in some ways, you can call it the 2 a.m. problem because I was in a conversation just a few days ago with a colleague and a friend who found themselves up at 2 a.m. Multiple nights in a row working to complete work. And this was a very senior level person.

[4:47] And at some point, this person realize, wait a minute, why am I up at two in the morning? Like my boss isn't up at two in the morning and other people around me aren't up in two in the morning. Now you can say that's great because it's a really good work ethic, but at some point that habit, that good work ethic stands in your way. And for this person in particular, the question becomes, how do you manage the work differently? How do you delegate things? How do you push back on things? How do you structure the work so that you are showing up as a leader and you're there fresh and ready to make decisions and to participate in meetings, to influence other people, all those things that we think a leader should be doing, rather than staying up late and delivering work. Now, I'm not saying there's no place for hard work. Of course, there is a place for hard work, especially early in your career. You want to be the kind of person who is working hard because that is a way that you differentiate yourself. But what I'm saying is that as you progress in your career, you will reach a point where that hard work is no longer a differentiator and in fact, becomes a liability, just like this person I just mentioned.

[5:50] Now, if you're one of those people that's working hard, that's a way you're undermining your respect. Now, if you're not protecting your own time, you're not respecting your own time, why would you expect that other people would respect your own time and respect you? This is an opportunity to be able to set boundaries about what you will and will not do. We're going to talk about that in a future podcast. I'm not going to hit hard on that today, because the purpose of today's conversation is three easy habits that you can form to command more respect. Now, setting boundaries around your time and saying no to things and what you will and won't do, that's a little bit next level. So we're not going to cover that right away in this conversation.

[6:30] But let me get into these three things that you can do to command more respect at work.

[6:36] The first two are very easy. The second, the third one is still easy, but it's a little bit additional challenge beyond what the first two are. So number one, the first thing that you can do to command more respect at work is to speak a little bit more loudly. Now, this is very interesting, but it's pretty well documented that the people who have authority and command respect from others, speak with a clear, loud voice. Now, I'm not saying you want to be shouting, but the reality is that most people are more afraid of being too loud than they are of being too quiet. So if you think about how loudly you speak, most people, something like 80% of people tend to be too quiet rather than too loud. And only about one in 25% of people are actually too loud it's a very small portion of people the thing with volume is you want to be easily heard and understood you don't want people have to work to hear you and understand what you're saying and for nearly everybody that means you can turn up the dial just a little bit and speak a little bit more loudly and a little bit more clearly.

[7:52] And by simply doing that, you are going to command and convey more, you're going to convey more authority and you're going to command more respect. It's, and I call this a very simple habit because it really is. And what I would suggest that you do is find a partner in this at work. Find someone that is oftentimes in meetings with you and ask that person to give you feedback. And just think about it on a scale from like one to five, one being barely a whisper, five being too loud, shouting almost, you want to be at about a four. You don't want to be too loud where people are saying, why is that person speaking so loudly? But you want to be loud enough that you are clearly heard and understood. So ask people to give you feedback. Find a partner, ask them, invite them to be when they're in meetings with you, to talk about it, to listen, and then debrief afterwards. And you can get some feedback. It's a very simple thing to change, a very simple thing to address, and you will convey more authority and command more respect by turning up your volume.

[8:55] Number two, second thing I want to share with you, also very easy to do, dial up your participation in meetings. Now, this is true if it's a meeting you're running, obviously, you're going to be very active in that. But particularly in meetings where you're not running the meeting, you didn't organize it, and you're there as a participant. You do not want to sit through a meeting without saying anything. If you're sitting in a meeting and you have nothing to contribute, frankly, you shouldn't be there.

[9:22] Dial up your participation in meetings. And part of the way to do this is to actually be present in the meeting.

[9:31] Don't multitask. Don't be sending text messages or in Slack messages while you're in the meeting. Actually set that aside, pay attention and contribute. Even if it's not something that you're a subject matter expert in, because if you're in that meeting, you're in that meeting for a reason. People want to hear from you and it's to your benefit to speak up.

[9:51] I worked with a client in the past who worked in a very analytical, technical company, but this person was more of an associative thinker. He was more creative and thought about things from very different angles than most people in the business thought of him. And for the first several months of his time at this business, he hid that part of himself. He also was a rational and very smart and intellectual kind of person. And so he communicated in meetings with that leading, with that rational, logical, left brain kind of approach. But he also had this very creative side. And when he started to lean into that creative side, which by the way, he was nervous about because he thought people would criticize him or judge him for it. But when he started to lean into that creative side, he added way more value in the meeting. So he was participating and participating in a different way that was creating a lot of value. Very quickly, after about a month of doing this, he built a reputation as a critical thinker, as a strategic thinker. And he started getting invited into meetings that he had very little subject matter expertise or no particular reason to be there other than the fact that people knew he added a lot of value, thought about things differently, brought in a new perspective, and they wanted his voice in the room.

[11:08] How did he get there? because he was willing to participate and he was willing to share his full ideas. He wasn't trying to participate in a way that got the right answer or looked smart. And I think a lot of high achievers, and I've been in this situation myself, we want to get the right answer and look smart. And we shape our participation in order to do that. I remember many meetings where I had something I wanted to say, and this filter was running through my head. Am I going to look stupid by saying this? Is this really on topic? Is this going to advance the conversation? Am I adding enough value to justify opening my mouth? All of these filters that I have going on. And I'm not saying those are wrong, but I'm saying, could you just soften the filter a little bit and be willing to share more of your ideas? And by doing so, you will command more respect because now all of a sudden, like this past client of mine, you're the kind of person who brings ideas to the table and people want to hear from you and you're adding value. So that is the second thing that you can do. You can participate more in meetings.

[12:13] The third thing that you can do is to be more candid. Now, this one, as I said earlier, is a little bit more challenging than the other two. Turning up your volume and participating more. Those are pretty simple, easy things that you can do, habits you can form that will help you command respect. But being more candid, that one is a little bit more challenging. Why is it more challenging? Because most of us at work want to be liked. We want to have good relationships, and we know good relationships are critical in order to be successful.

[12:46] But I want to give you a hypothesis, not even a hypothesis, but something that I believe to be true, which is that you can strengthen a relationship by being more candid with someone. When you are candid, when somebody knows what you're thinking and where you're coming from, you are building trust and respect because you respect the other person enough to be honest with them. And they in turn will respect you because you're willing to be honest with them. And that's what candor is. It's when you're having a thought, when you're having this internal dialogue about another person or about an idea that other people are talking about, but you're holding that back and you're not sharing it.

[13:28] Because you're afraid you're going to hurt someone's feelings, or they're not going to like it, or they're just going to disagree, or your idea might be wrong. All of these different reasons we have for holding back our ideas. You want to recognize those, but not let those guide your decision about whether you speak or not. So find a way to be candid, to share your true ideas and your best ideas about another person, about a project, about work situations in general. And when you do that, you start to be more candid by being more transparent with your best ideas. You are going to be commanding more respect. Because think about that. Think about who are the people that you respect in your life and at work. Oftentimes, it's the people who are very clear, who have high standards, and who tell you clearly when you're meeting the standards or when you're not meeting the standards. Now, I'm not suggesting to do that by being a jerk. That's not the approach. That's not how you deliver the message. But the question is if you deliver the message. And I'm encouraging you to lean into that and deliver more of these candid messages. Do that in a way that does not damage relationships. So you're going to have to find your way of doing that. And that's something we can cover in a future podcast. But for the sake of this point.

[14:48] Filter a little bit less. Filter your ideas a little bit less. So when you're worried, what is someone going to think? Is it going to disrupt a relationship? When otherwise you would say no, lean a little bit more towards saying yes and be more candid in your relationships.

[15:03] All right, those are three simple things that you can do to command more respect at work. Speak with more volume, participate more, share your best ideas, and be candid. When you've got an idea, especially a critical one, don't hold it back, share it with other people. Because who do you respect at work? You respect the people who are committed to doing what it takes to advance the company. They speak so that they can be heard, they share their best ideas, they confront challenges, they give difficult feedback. These are the kind of people you have a lot of respect for. They command that respect because of what they do. And if you're in a situation where you feel like you do not have the respect that you would like, don't blame other people. Look at what you can do differently and start with these three easy habits that you can begin to command more respect at work.

[16:00] Try that on, do something different this week, and have a great week.