[0:09] Hey, it's Rusty Gaillard here, and today we are talking about the pressure that high achievers feel not to make mistakes.

[0:19] When you have made your career out of doing things right and being one of the smartest people around, you're ambitious, you lean in, you don't make mistakes. And making mistakes is seen as a serious drawback. So for people like this who are often my clients, they're super smart, they're high high achieving, they're well educated, they're doing very well, they're successful, but they've gotten there by avoiding mistakes. And so the idea of screwing up, of making a mistake that's public in some way is actually quite debilitating, especially when the stakes are high. This came up just this past week with one of my clients. I'm going to call him Steve. Now, Steve was working with one of his clients to try to address an issue that this client was having. Steve had been working at this for months, but his client wasn't getting it. And no matter what he tried, the client still was making the same kinds of mistakes. And it was frustrating to Steve, but it was also frustrating to Steve's partners. And when he would get together with his partners to give an update, Steve would say what's going on, and it would devolve into this terrible kind of dynamic where it was almost like Steve was getting blamed for the performance of his client.

[1:34] Now, it was Steve's responsibility to work with the client to improve, but Steve can't control it because it's not, he's not ultimately responsible. He's just advising the other person. And if the other person's not taking the advice, then his ability to be effective is limited.

[1:51] Now, high stakes situation because Steve's company had invested in this client and they really wanted to see this client perform. And it was Steve's responsibility to help this client perform. And it wasn't happening. In this example, Steve felt like a complete failure. Like he had been working at this for months and he wasn't getting the kind of traction that he wanted to get.

[2:17] I've had other clients and other situations but this same theme tends to come up over and over again which is this fear of getting it wrong the fear of making a mistake the fear of failure especially when the stakes are high i ran a whole workshop for a team on executive presentation and we touched on this exact same topic because when you go in to do an executive presentation presenting to someone two or even more levels above you in the organization, it is pretty natural for most people to feel nervous walking into that presentation because they don't want to screw up. They want to look smart. They want to make a recommendation that the executive agrees with because they see that as their role. Smart, ambitious, high-achieving people want to look smart. They want to get the answer right. It's very common, but that could be debilitating because it creates a lot of stress. It limits your creativity. It narrows you into this channel that you think this is what the executive wants to hear, or this is what the company is open to. So that's the only thing that I'm going to talk about.

[3:25] I even have seen this in senior level executives, C-suite kind of executives, who at one point have confided in me after a long period of time in the job, that they were waiting for direction from the CEO, that they had taken this almost invisible mindset, which is to defer to authority. And in this case, it was a C-suite executive deferring to the authority of the CEO. Now, that's super interesting. We don't think about that at the C-suite level, but it's that same mentality that starts early in your career, which is assuming that the people above you in the organization, above you in the hierarchy are right and you don't want to be wrong. So you want to take their direction. And I was even hearing this in a C-suite level client of mine.

[4:17] This is particularly challenging in a top-down kind of culture. I've worked with multiple people, both individuals and groups of people whose

[4:25] company have more of that culture to them, more of this top-down kind of mentality. And in that culture, you really don't want to get it wrong because if you bring forward a recommendation and it's contrary to the message that's coming top-down, you really look bad. You don't want to be that kind of person who steps out and makes a recommendation to have it shut down because it's a top-down kind of culture and you have to go with the decision that the executive or the person above you makes. Once again, high stakes. You're walking into these situations and you don't

[4:55] want to screw up. You don't want to get it wrong. So how do you deal with this kind of fear of failure in these high stakes situations?

[5:06] If you've been listening to me for any length of time, you know that I talk both about skillset and mindset. So much of what it takes to be successful in a business is mindset. And yet most people look to the skill set. They say, what can I learn? What is something I can do differently? What is a book I can read, a podcast I can listen to? How do I invest in my education to build new skills? But what we're talking about here fundamentally is confidence and the willingness to be vulnerable, to make a suggestion, to share your best ideas. And if you haven't listened to my podcast on vulnerability or read the blog on that, go read it because vulnerability is not about talking about yourself and your weekend and your personal problems. Vulnerability is about willingness to bring forward your best ideas, to give honest feedback, to be candid with people. And it's that kind of vulnerability that we're talking about here. Are you willing to be vulnerable? Do you have the confidence to make recommendations? Those are mindset kind of issues, not skillset kind of issues.

[6:12] I'm going to give you a simple framework that I use with my clients to help explain how to build that confidence and how to take a different mindset so that you can be more effective. You can be more confident and you can be more vulnerable in sharing your ideas.

[6:28] It's this framework is what i call the the results formula and it's also very easy to reference as the bear because that's an acronym b-e-a-r and it goes beliefs emotions actions results let's gonna go we're gonna go backwards through that framework results that's all the results that you're creating at your work it's not just the individual projects you deliver but it's your effectiveness and influencing people making recommendations giving feedback it's all the results you achieve at work, which of course translates into promotions and compensation and so on, but it also translates into your impact and your leadership ability and your ability to engage a team. Those are your results. The letter right before that in BEAR is A for actions. I think most of you would agree the actions you take drive your results. Pretty straightforward.

[7:18] The B and the E is where things get interesting. B is beliefs, E is emotions. So the question is how much do your emotions influence your actions. Now, picture this scenario. You're about to walk into an executive presentation to pitch a new idea. You've been working on this for months, and you've got one shot to pitch this to an executive and be successful. This is not someone you know very well, you don't have a good relationship with this person, and you're walking in to make this pitch.

[7:46] Now, if you picture yourself in that situation, most people are going to feel somewhat nervous. And when you feel somewhat nervous, you're going to want to fall back on what you've prepared, on your script, on your preparation, how you're going to open this, what you're going to say, and so on. But you're also going to be less likely to be relaxed and easygoing and personable in a way that you might be in a different setting. Contrast that to walking in to your best friend's birthday party, where you know everybody, it's a very warm and welcoming situation. You're happy to be there. You're excited to be there to celebrate your best friend.

[8:23] How are you going to act in those two different situations? Just when you walk in the room, walk into the birthday party, you're going to be relaxed. You're going to greet people. You're going to be joking, smiling, embracing perhaps. And you walk in to this business meeting where you're making this pitch. And how are you going to be acting? You're probably going to be a little bit more stiff, a little bit more reserved. You might go up and shake a hand, but it's going to be a little bit more awkward. Now, that is your emotion driving your actions. So if you can accept that premise that your emotions drive your actions and the emotions have a lot to do with the situation that you're in,

[9:02] the next step before that is your beliefs. And this is what you believe to be true about yourself and that situation that drives the emotions. So I set up in the story of walking into pitch the boss that this is your one shot. You don't know the person very well and you've got to perform. You've got to look good. Those are all beliefs that you hold. And those beliefs certainly impact the feelings you have about it, feeling nervous and perhaps uptight. And that's going to impact your actions, which we all know will impact your results.

[9:33] So I'm sharing all of this because this bare model, beliefs, emotions, actions, results, is a very simple thing to remember. Because if you're noticing yourself feeling stressed about these high-stakes situations, being afraid of failure, even feeling like maybe you are failing. In that example I shared at the beginning of this client of mine, Steve, who was trying to influence his client and failing, you might feel responsible for that. You might feel guilty. So if you notice those actions or you notice your, sorry, if you notice those emotions or if you notice your actions and you notice yourself kind of awkward or stiff or quieter than you normally are, when you notice these things, you can get curious about your beliefs, which is really just a simple way of saying, what is the perspective that you're bringing to that situation? And can you shift your perspective and by shifting your perspective can you take different beliefs that then change that whole process of beliefs emotions actions results because let's face it if you walked in to do that pitch with your brand new idea to a senior executive and you had more of that easygoing personable kind of nature that you would have at your friend's birthday party do you think you would be more effective i'm not saying you're going to be joking around and being irresponsible.

[10:52] But I'm saying if you had that kind of energy, that personal energy, that passion, that easygoing way of interacting with other people, you're going to be better liked. You're more likely to be trusted. You're probably going to come across as more credible.

[11:06] And all of that starts with your emotions.

[11:10] And so the question is, is there a belief or a perspective you can take about that situation that helps you to feel that way? And as a result of feeling that way, The actions are second nature, they're easy, and you drive different results.

[11:24] Let's go back to this example I shared earlier about Steve. Now, Steve saw his role as fixing the problem with the client. And because the client wasn't changing, because the client was just who the client was, Steve felt responsible. And so he started to feel like he was failing.

[11:42] Now, what's a different perspective he could take in that situation? What if Steve changed his viewpoint to talk instead about, oh my gosh, I'm failing in this situation? What if instead he saw his role to say, look, what I've been doing isn't working, but my role here is the success of the client because Steve's company had invested in them. So the question then is, if what I've been doing isn't working, what other options are there? Do we just accept the way this client is and say that is what it is? Do we, despite having invested in this company and this client, do we say, I'm out, I'm not going to work with them anymore, and it is what it is, either we win or we lose on the investment? Do they get more assertive and make an attempt to actually change the client and replace that person because that person isn't effective in their role? If Steve shifts his perspective and instead of saying, I've got to fix the client, he elevates and looks instead at the bigger picture problem. Now there are many different possibilities, but that is a change in perspective. Instead of saying my role is to fix this problem, the small problem, what if instead Steve's perspective is what is the bigger problem? What is the bigger objective we share here as a business? And how do I guide that bigger objective rather than solving this small individual problem?

[13:04] The same thing can be applied for someone going in to an executive meeting. If you're going into an executive meeting, oftentimes people's mindset going into those meetings is I want to look smart. I want to get approval. I want my idea to be validated. And we get the green mark. We get the checkmark from the executive so we can move forward. Great. But that's going to cause some stress because now we get identified with the solution that we're bringing in. And what if that solution isn't accepted or it's not exactly right on? And then we start to feel nervous about it because, oh my gosh, I'm equating myself with the idea that I'm bringing in. And if the idea isn't accepted, that means I'm not accepted and maybe I'm not as smart as I need to be and my performance isn't good. We go down this whole rabbit hole. Those emotions drive our actions and the actions drive our results. What if instead you walk into that meeting with the mindset of my role here is to help the business get to the best decision? Whether that's my idea or someone else's idea, it doesn't matter. If the executive goes off on a tangent in a different direction, my role is to bring that person back so that we can make a decision about this problem that's in front of us that we're wanting to address today.

[14:16] So it's not even about my idea, but it's about bringing an idea forward so that we can harness the best ideas in the room. And my role is to make sure that happens and we stay on track so that we come out with a decision that is the best decision for the company.

[14:33] That's a totally different perspective than going in saying, I've got to get my idea approved.

[14:41] So this model is very simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. So I'm going to give you, first of all, the clues to look for of when you want to apply this model. And second of all, how to apply it. So first of all, the clues, the clues to when to apply this model are noticing your emotions. That is the best clue. So if you're feeling nervous, if you're feeling stressed, if you're not feeling confident, if you're wondering, oh my gosh, is this going to go well? Maybe you even feel like you're failing. It's a high stakes situation or it feels like a high stakes situation and you're on the line. That is the perfect opportunity. That is the when. Those are the clues either about both the situation and about your response to the situation, your feelings about it.

[15:27] Those are the clues when it can be useful to shift your perspective. Then how do you shift your perspective? That's back to this. Is there a different way of thinking about your role in the situation? Can you expand the scope of the problem set? So instead of saying, I've got to like Steve's example, I've got to fix this client, the client's the problem. Instead, the question is, how do we make this company successful that the client is a part of? And there's many different ways to do that. And think about your role as guiding the team to a decision. Your role is not tied to that recommendation and whether or not it's accepted. Your role is to get to the best decision for the company and to be the one driving that. And if you think about it from that perspective, shifting your perspective, elevating the nature of the decision, changing your perspective on your role. So it's not about being right, but it's about being a good guide so that the team as a whole gets to the best answer. Those are two ways that you can shift your perspective to become much more effective.

[16:35] So what do you do in this very common situation you pay attention to what the clues are when does this feel like a high-stakes situation and when are you feeling nervous about it and then you shift your perspective this is one of the mindset approaches that i use now of course if you listen to me regularly you follow me you know i talk about skill set as well as mindset but this one is squarely in the mindset area, but it is super powerful. Because think about the most effective leaders. They're the ones who seem natural, who come across well, who seem easygoing and approachable, who stay calm in the midst of a difficult time.

[17:17] Much of that is driven by your mindset, by your perspective, by your assumptions and beliefs about what your role is and what the situation is. So use this very simple tool to shift that and see how it can impact your success in business.